6 Feb 2012

Hang out with a stay-at-home-Dad today

by | Posted in: Parenting | 0

Another preschool morning wraps up and my four-year-old daughter eagerly watches for her Daddy – yes, her Daddy – to pick her up. The other parents, mostly moms, chat in small groups, plan meet ups, and discuss next year’s Kindergarten plans. This time, a few of them decide to meet at a local park, and one calls over and invites my husband and kids to the park.

This is a first – after living in this city for a couple years with my husband as the stay-at-home Dad – this is one of the first play date invites he’s received. For some reason, there is a gender barrier between parents.

So the best Daddy in the whole world, as we often talk about my husband, packed a picnic lunch, water cups, sunglasses (he thinks of everything). And they had the best time at the park with the other families. My daughter was so proud to call me at work and tell me her friends invited her to the park!

For my practice of parenting post, I wanted to talk about how for our family, it has been working for our kids to have a mom who works full time outside the home. For us, it made sense for me to keep working and for my husband to take care of our kids during the days and squeeze in his work as a professional photographer where he can.

I’m so thankful that our kids have one of their parents with them all the time. I know God’s hand was in it. It wasn’t only that I had a more secure career, but my husband possesses amazing parenting skills. I’ve heard others complain that men just aren’t cut out for all the details of being the primary caregiver/houseminder, but I have to say they haven’t met my husband. He really does a great job. He is gentle, patient, consistent, and fun.

Lots of people ask me how I feel about leaving my kids every day. Don’t I wish I could stay home? Shouldn’t a mom of faith be the one at home? I find myself trying to navigate these questions. Did I have a choice? Honestly, I wish I could have about one day more per week at home, but otherwise I’m quite happy with my work and the peace I have knowing my husband is home. It took us a while to get to this stage, of accepting that my husband’s role as the main caregiver is how it’s going to be for the next couple years. But now we’re pretty content.

I treasure every hour I spend with the kids in the morning and after work, and on the weekends. I love spending that time doing crafts or getting into nature with the family. A quick browse through the Parenting category of my blog will give you an idea of the fun we’ve had making things and in nature this year.

So if I can share one desire, it is to have other parents be more intentional about inviting Dads along. Our kids would love to play with your kids, even though mom’s at work today…and every weekday. So to any moms reading, befriend a stay-at-home Dad today.

0 Responses

  2. Kath
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    Hey that’s cool. My husband and I both work part time (ish) and we both spend time at home with the kids. Glad to hear that your husband was included because the mum culture can exclude dads at home. Thanks for this post.

  3. Edith
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    I love your family! Even though i think i would make a decent mom, it’s definitly my other half who would think of bringing sunglasses along. I would be curious to know, if there is a study out there, how mans are faring job wise compared to women. A lot of friends i have face this kind of situation where the woman have a more stable and better paying job. Those guys are hardworking and capable, but it sometimes look as if there is not that many good jobs where their strenghts are. Like meticulous high quality/artistic manual work. There are no more clock makers, jewlerers, wood carvers, shoemakers. I must admit, that, yes, there are some, but to make it, one need to be extremely entrepreneurial. Even though i know these man can, or are already, amazing stay at home daddy, i wish these talented individuals would get more recognition in this economy.

    • delightfilledart
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      Hi Edtih, thanks for your post. I agree – it is very competitive for creative artists like my husband these days. I’m really thankful for a job where I get a pay cheque, and I don’t have to spend half my time invoicing, doing quarterly taxes, and generating work (though it’s something I might grow into someday, if the tables were turned).

  5. Jennifer Darawi
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    Very interesting, Nan. I liked your post. I notice a lot of Dads pick up their children at our school, whether it be mid-day or afterschool.

    • delightfilledart
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      Thanks for reading Jen. I do notice there is another dad or two who drop off their kids at preschool. I think there are lots of great dads out there, whether they are working full time, part time, overtime, or from home. It’s a matter of connecting them.

  6. Jenn
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    I have so much respect for stay at home dads. On top of the demands of the daily grind of caring for kids I can imagine they are faced with isolation, stereotyping and the constant implication that the are “second best”. While my husband has no deep desire to stay home with our daughters during the day I know that if he had to he would be amazing at it. Since I often work weekends and evenings he does the whole “stay at home dad” thing without even knowing it! 🙂 His biggest complaint though is being lonely….what a great reminder to not limit our parenting circles to just “moms groups”

  7. April C
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    Once, we lived next door to a family where the dad stayed home with their two (and then three) kids. He was amazing. We spent many hours on the stoops of our houses while the kids played. He offered his kids (and wife) so much of himself. It was really beautiful to see. Thanks for your post. It’s lovely!

  9. Beth
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    Beautifully said! I wish more families would make the choices that you and your husband have and have the Dad stay home. Kids and society alike need to see great Dads in action as the primary caregiver! I am a mom of an almost-four year old too and sometimes I get so tired of seeing Mom references everywhere and no Dad references. (My latest was “The Mom’s Family Activity Calendar” – sheesh! As if Dad’s have no role in sorting out a family’s activities!) I’ve shared your post on my Facebook. And will be back to read more. 🙂

    • delightfilledart
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      Thanks so much for the share and kind words. I am pretty aware/sensitive of the “Mom” culture, partly because it’s not my day-to-day reality and partly because I think there are so many families that have moved beyond those stereotypical gender roles; it would be nice to see it reflected in culture.

  10. deedeemallon
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    your family sounds lovely! How much easier it would be, I think, for most women who work full-time to do so if it were their husbands acting as caregivers… I only knew one stay at home Dad when my kids were little… lots of nannies, lots of stay at home moms. Right now the thing I see being discussed in papers, etc. seems to be more about taking parenting a little less seriously and not forsaking having an adult life than about which parent is the primary caregiver.

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